I’ve not written a proper blog post for over a month now, which is surreal to me because previously I was constantly fretful if I didn’t update with a new post every few days. But things change, and unfortunately my little internet space has taken a back seat lately.
Things have been difficult for me. A struggle. Nothing has been normal and I’ve just kind of been floating around aimlessly; waiting for the days to end just so I can go to sleep and turn my brain off for a few hours. It’s hard to focus on things when my mind is constantly wandering on what ‘could have been’ or thinking about what I could have done differently.
Love is a peculiar thing and everyone goes through heartbreak sooner or later. Even though I feel like I’m the only person that has ever been through this and no one understands, it’s pathetic of me to look at things that way. There are much worse things going on in the world than me having a sulk over a boy.
But I try to tell myself things will be okay and that life will go on. I know I will be fine and I am better than this. I should forget about it and move on. But it’s easier said than done, and six years with someone you had planned your future with and suddenly you are nothing to him is hard. Crying day and night doesn’t make things better. Opening up all of your feelings to someone that isn’t in the slightest bit interested in you doesn’t help the situation. You can’t force love, and a complicated relationship will inevitably equal a very complicated break up.
Despite being the dullest person ever to be around lately, I have realised that I have the most amazing friends and family to support me. Colleagues, people I used to work with, college friends, internet pals. Even old school friends I’ve not spoken to in years, and complete strangers have been sending me little messages to help me through, and inviting me out and about to try and get my mind off things. I have all these people that do love and care about me so why should I focus on someone who doesn’t. If he is able to move on so quickly then I should be able to as well.
I know that in time I will be okay. It’s just taking longer than I had anticipated.